ichoosefight | 72,09 - Reparations

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72,09 - Reparations

So uh... the flood is over, right? [ Steph looks kind of unsure about this. People are acting oddly. ]

I guess I just wanted to check in and make sure everyone is okay. Since a lot of people said a lot of things that they didn't really mean, and all.

That's all.

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[Hoffman doesn't laugh. He smiles, but he doesn't laugh for a good minute and then...he chuckles.]

...Hey, I was surprised I remembered how to build a fort like that. But you're right.

...Pretty similar to how brooding doesn't fit you.

Someone mentioned something about opposites. I think they were right.

[Hoffman's gaze lowers]

...Are there people who don't get their deals?

Not as far as I know. There are people who've left or disappeared before they were able to finish theirs, but everyone else... We hear from them sometimes, you know.

Those network interruptions. I've never been contacted by anybody.

I was just worried.

There's one guy who sometimes pops in to say hi to me. He got his deal and left. If that's any help. I haven't had a chance to check on anything myself yet.

You come close to getting yours?

If I can just hang around long enough to see it through. Wanda's really made some progress.

...Then you get out of here for real huh?

[Envious? You'd bet.]

Hmm? No, I'm staying, even if Wanda graduates. My deal isn't really a one shot wonder.

...Oh. You're braver then I am.

[He has no problem admitting this anymore. Everybody on the barge saw him cowering in a blanket fort. Some of them saw him holding a stuffed dinosaur. Pride? What is that?]

I'm torn between noble intentions and just wanting my sister back with all of this.

Kinda got that impression. [ She's not laughing at him. Promise. ]

I just... have a lot of mistakes to undo.

[He flinches]

....I can't...keep focusing on..one person at a time. [He's embarrassed by this] I want to go back and try being a cop again.

You know it's alright to just focus on yourself for a while.

...What do I have to focus on? The fact that I died? That I lost the one person who cared about me unconditionally? The fact that all of my friends are-

[he stops, when he speaks again he sounds sad.] Stephanie I don't think I know how anymore. And I think that even if I did...maybe I gave up to the right to do that when I broke the law. At least, that's how I feel.

[ She raises her eyebrows. ]

Here's a good place to start. Why don't you focus on turning that into "yeah that's a good idea, I've been working hard lately and I could use a scoop of ice cream."

...Ice cream?

I was gonna say a hot bath but it sounded kinda creepy.

I'm not-

[He snorts]

...I'm used to relaxing socially. I..

[He looks frustrated for a moment.] Amanda doesn't know how and I've forgotten how to. what a fucking pair we are.

It's the 'beating yourself up' thing that's kind of a problem. Too far to the other end of the spectrum, you know?

Again, what would you suggest we do? Or I do. If I forget for one single moment what I've done...

[He looks mildly amused] Maybe that's the admiral's reason for sticking me in a kid's fucking fort.

Learn the difference between living in the past and working for the future. You don't have to forget to do better.

Sure.

[This was an issue the admiral-in his wisdom said "show, don't tell." and so he is left trying to figure that out. Feeling angry and sad. Sounding angry and sad.]

...I'll try.

Thanks Steph again.

You keep thanking me like that and I might start to actually think I'm helping.

You haven't hit me or beaten me recently. That helps.

72,09 - Reparations

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