10 - Shiny New Problem Solving Methods

[ichoosefight]

[ Warden Filtered Video ]

[ Steph has brought you here today to show you a little hand-drawn slide-show. She holds the cards up to the camera as she comes to them. ]

Hi! So. First off, John's gonna be pissed at me for doing this, so please kindly ignore him until his blood pressure goes back to normal. Quick catch-up for those of you not in the know:

This - [] - is Scorpius. Hard to miss, right? Real jerk, too. He's your hell-bent-on-genocidal-revenge flavor of inmate.

This - [] - is our good friend John. Locked in his brain there may or may not (probably not) be information about wormholes.

For whatever reason, Scorpius has decided that he really wants to commit revenge-genocide using - [] - said wormholes. Presumably for the convenience of dumping a planet into a black hole or something equally insane and terrible.

So, contrary to Dean's theory - [] - Scorpius is not in fact the stalker ex-boyfriend. He is just blindly, stupidly determined that somehow suctioning this wormhole information out of John's head is literally the only way to get his vastly disproportionate revenge and apparently the only thing he cares about in the whole wide multiverse.

Now, I don't know about you guys, but I've had about enough of Scorpius' crap, and believe you me the crap is escalating. So I'm asking for your help, so that I can help out a friend.

Things that have been tried include - [] - threats - [] - blunt trauma - [] - physical violence - [] - and yes, logic. None of which have worked so far.

So. Ideas?

Comments

[video]

[neverfeltbetter]

STEPH!!

[HISBLOODPRESSUREWILLNEVERCOMEDOWNIFYOUKEEPDOINGTHISCRAP]

[video]

[ichoosefight]

Deep breaths, John.

[lastincident]

Well, this... isn't exactly what I thought when we talked.

[ichoosefight]

Anya said I should make use of my resources.

[ This is her resources :> ]

[Not Here]

[keeps_a_cool_head]

[He can't read any of this.

But if he could he would be very disturbed.

It is a difficult thing to disturb him, Steph.]

Re: [Not Here]

[ichoosefight]

[ Now you know how you make her feel. ]

[strangehistorian]

Maybe he needs another hobby.

[neverfeltbetter]

That's what I keep trying to tell him.

[ichoosefight]

I suggested that! He didn't go for it.

[warden filter + Steph]

[routemistress]

[Iris comes on to the video feed applauding enthusiastically, and keeps it up for a minute before she speaks.]

That's a lovely, clear presentation there, Steph. This is why you're brilliant, you know.

...oh right, Scorpius. Look, I know this is out of character for me, but we're just going to 'ave to be patient. No one that's carried a fixation around this long's going to drop it quickly. Logic and alternative options and 'aving actual friends'll get to 'im eventually. We all just need to keep on top of 'im and keep 'im out of John's face till it 'appens.

[warden filter + Steph]

[ichoosefight]

What about everyone else's faces? Like, say, Alex's?

[warden filter + Steph]

[logistical]

This is a logical course of action. I endorse it.

[warden filter + Steph]

[fire_punk]

I can help keep an eye on him, too.

[hearrrtofgold]

"Tips for Genocide."

[ichoosefight]

It's a big multiverse out there.

[warden filter + Steph]

[megamind]

I can attempt to keep him busy as nonhuman scientist to another. He's not dumb, though. Maybe help him start exploring other options? I mean, not for genocide, but....

You know. Other stuff.

[warden filter + Steph]

[ichoosefight]

As long as he's not making mini doomsday devices to surgically remove John's brain, or anything like that. He would do it.

[givessweetness]

Nothing sort of taking Mr. Crichton out of the equation, I'm afraid.

Unless we all agree to pretend he isn't here. Including him. Which isn't actually impossible? But difficult.

[ichoosefight]

Somehow I don't think that's a good method for coping with [ steph shut up you're not allowed to talk about other people's trauma ] someone like Scorpius.

Unless you mean pretending Scorpius doesn't exist, which could potentially be effective if we all did it.

[architrave]

[ Door won't laugh. Door will not laugh. ]

Well stated, Steph.

[ichoosefight]

I thought visual aids would make things a lot easier to understand.

[ Don't laugh you'll only piss of John even more ]

[Private]

[logistical]

You have been keeping yourself busy, I see.

[Private]

[ichoosefight]

Trying to, anyway.

[gard]

Logic worked okay for me.

[ichoosefight]

Yeah? What'd he say?

[fireincarnate]

[Wow Jean is really amused.]

I think that's the best presentation the Barge has had so far.

[ichoosefight]

Thanks! I thought it might clear some things up.