10 - Shiny New Problem Solving Methods

[ichoosefight]

[ Warden Filtered Video ]

[ Steph has brought you here today to show you a little hand-drawn slide-show. She holds the cards up to the camera as she comes to them. ]

Hi! So. First off, John's gonna be pissed at me for doing this, so please kindly ignore him until his blood pressure goes back to normal. Quick catch-up for those of you not in the know:

This - [] - is Scorpius. Hard to miss, right? Real jerk, too. He's your hell-bent-on-genocidal-revenge flavor of inmate.

This - [] - is our good friend John. Locked in his brain there may or may not (probably not) be information about wormholes.

For whatever reason, Scorpius has decided that he really wants to commit revenge-genocide using - [] - said wormholes. Presumably for the convenience of dumping a planet into a black hole or something equally insane and terrible.

So, contrary to Dean's theory - [] - Scorpius is not in fact the stalker ex-boyfriend. He is just blindly, stupidly determined that somehow suctioning this wormhole information out of John's head is literally the only way to get his vastly disproportionate revenge and apparently the only thing he cares about in the whole wide multiverse.

Now, I don't know about you guys, but I've had about enough of Scorpius' crap, and believe you me the crap is escalating. So I'm asking for your help, so that I can help out a friend.

Things that have been tried include - [] - threats - [] - blunt trauma - [] - physical violence - [] - and yes, logic. None of which have worked so far.

So. Ideas?

Comments

[video]

[neverfeltbetter]

STEPH!!

[HISBLOODPRESSUREWILLNEVERCOMEDOWNIFYOUKEEPDOINGTHISCRAP]

[video]

[ichoosefight]

Deep breaths, John.

[lastincident]

Well, this... isn't exactly what I thought when we talked.

[ichoosefight]

Anya said I should make use of my resources.

[ This is her resources :> ]

[video]

[neverfeltbetter]

Why are you doing this? Do you just enjoy continuing the joke that is my image on this barge?

[Why the pictures?!]

[video]

[ichoosefight]

I can't help but notice you're not taking deep breaths.

[lastincident]

That's... yes. That's a resource.

[ichoosefight]

What? You're making that face.

[lastincident]

What face?

[ichoosefight]

The face you make when you're trying not to make a face.

[Not Here]

[keeps_a_cool_head]

[He can't read any of this.

But if he could he would be very disturbed.

It is a difficult thing to disturb him, Steph.]

[lastincident]

Is that what that is.

[ichoosefight]

You're making it right now.

Re: [Not Here]

[ichoosefight]

[ Now you know how you make her feel. ]

[lastincident]

Are you sure?

[strangehistorian]

Maybe he needs another hobby.

[neverfeltbetter]

That's what I keep trying to tell him.

[warden filter + Steph]

[routemistress]

[Iris comes on to the video feed applauding enthusiastically, and keeps it up for a minute before she speaks.]

That's a lovely, clear presentation there, Steph. This is why you're brilliant, you know.

...oh right, Scorpius. Look, I know this is out of character for me, but we're just going to 'ave to be patient. No one that's carried a fixation around this long's going to drop it quickly. Logic and alternative options and 'aving actual friends'll get to 'im eventually. We all just need to keep on top of 'im and keep 'im out of John's face till it 'appens.

[hearrrtofgold]

"Tips for Genocide."

[warden filter + Steph]

[megamind]

I can attempt to keep him busy as nonhuman scientist to another. He's not dumb, though. Maybe help him start exploring other options? I mean, not for genocide, but....

You know. Other stuff.

[ichoosefight]

I'm sure I'm going to smack you if you aren't careful.

[ But. You know. Play is fun. ]

[ichoosefight]

I suggested that! He didn't go for it.

[warden filter + Steph]

[ichoosefight]

What about everyone else's faces? Like, say, Alex's?

[ichoosefight]

It's a big multiverse out there.

[warden filter + Steph]

[routemistress]

That were about getting at John. Same difference. For a bloke that claims to be patient 'e's not doing very well at it. Though I can't say I blame 'im for that, exactly - the not being patient, I mean. Not the beating on Alex or any bugger else.