I wish I had been able to see that then. All I could see was everyone telling me I wasn't good enough, that I should quit, that I was going to get hurt. Batman said he understood, that it wasn't my fault, but I thought he was just saying that because he was afraid I was going to die.
[ A beat. She hasn't told anybody but Leslie this bit. ]
I kept thinking about Tim, and what would he say, and would he feel sorry for me, or would he blame himself, or would he be glad that I had finally been hurt enough to want to quit? And what about my mom? She was always so afraid that I would end up like my dad, and here I was having just about decimated the city. I wished I was dead. So when Leslie suggested faking it, it seemed perfect. They couldn't hate me if I was killed by Black Mask, and nobody would have to know that I was thinking about killing myself.
new TW for suicidal thoughts
I wish I had been able to see that then. All I could see was everyone telling me I wasn't good enough, that I should quit, that I was going to get hurt. Batman said he understood, that it wasn't my fault, but I thought he was just saying that because he was afraid I was going to die.
[ A beat. She hasn't told anybody but Leslie this bit. ]
I kept thinking about Tim, and what would he say, and would he feel sorry for me, or would he blame himself, or would he be glad that I had finally been hurt enough to want to quit? And what about my mom? She was always so afraid that I would end up like my dad, and here I was having just about decimated the city. I wished I was dead. So when Leslie suggested faking it, it seemed perfect. They couldn't hate me if I was killed by Black Mask, and nobody would have to know that I was thinking about killing myself.