ichoosefight | 85,22 - It gets easier

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85,22 - It gets easier

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So, I haven’t really been around anybody since port.

[ Most notably she hasn’t really been going to the gym. So when she says she hasn’t been around, she really means she’s locked herself up in her room. ]

Which isn’t so bad, I mean port was rough, but I feel like I’ve been neglecting my friends. And probably any newcomers who haven’t been told about floods and how people sometimes fall overboard at port, which I pretty much consider my main civic duty now that I don’t have an inmate. So anyway, what I’m trying to say is I’m sorry I’m a bad friend and I promise I’ll do better. And that I hope nothing horrible has happened that I could have helped with, because that would be just my luck.

Anyone I haven’t met yet, I’m Steph, and in case nobody’s told you sometimes people fall overboard when we take to port and it pretty much sucks for everyone.

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Time's a-wasting. [ Let's be real, neither of them probably have that long on the barge. ]

This is gonna be awful, isn't it.

[On the Barge? Dean was thinking period.]

Only if it ends up on the floor. Lemme get some shoes on, I'll meet you there.

[Dean is more than passingly familiar with where, exactly, the main kitchen is although he hasn't been in it; not really. Kon has a shift there, and Dean has failed to break in due to inebriation, and way back when he first met her Steph finagled some waffle time, but that's about it.

It's strange, is what it is, although he's not uncomfortable when he shows up there.]

I can't promise that it won't.

[ Steph has spent enough time in the kitchen for her own reasons that she knows her way around it by now. She doesn't have a recipe though, so the ingredients she's pulling out of the cabinets when he arrives are only the most obvious basics. ]

[Dean notices that she's pulling down actual ingredients pretty much as soon as he walks in, and doesn't know what to think about that except of course, how stupid of him. He calls ahead of himself as he navigates the kitchen to join her.]

Dude, I was thinking like, Campbell's and a box of Minute rice. I'm gonna go ahead and guess they ain't got that here, though...

You're welcome to dig through the cabinets, but I didn't see any.

[ She starts washing and slicing potatoes. That much she knows how to do. ]

I meant it when I said it might suck.

I believe you.

[Dean considers the pile of ingredients she's started to put together, easily picking out what's meant to be for mashed potatoes and what's meant to be for soup. He spends a few long moments trying to decide what to reach for first, picks up a tomato, and puts it back down again while the easy smile fades from his face.

He didn't know tomato and rice soup could be so daunting. He slides the majority of the ingredients away from the rest and heads for a pot and the sink.]

I'll put on some water.

Rice should be easy enough.

[ Something to start with. They really should have gotten a recipe first. ]

So, you've never tried to make this from scratch before?

Rice is a pain in the ass.

[This is an idle assertion; he'd given up on everything but Rice-a-Roni very early on in his short, gruesome cooking career. (He's not as bad as he thinks he is, just that Sam was an entitled brat and John was obsessed with things other than his elder son.)]

Nope. I made it once for Sammy but he didn't like it, so we swapped to chicken noodle and that was the last of that.

You just boil it. [ It's pretty hard to mess up. She glances over in idle curiosity. ]

Who's Sammy?

I guess. [Dean pulls a comical face, temping the water with his hand before filling up the pot he's collected. He'd intended the water for the potatoes, actually, content with bailing on the soup. He was dying when he asked for it, now it's a weird thing he wishes he'd kept his mouth shut about, because...

Oops. It's a testimony to how comfortable he's become with Steph that he didn't even think about letting that tidbit go, and the look he slides at her sidelong is guarded despite the casual tone he's careful to keep when he answers. No big deal.]

My kid brother. He's always been a picky little brat.

[ She's more curious about that look than anything else, but she can tell just by looking that it's a sore point. ]

Oh. Well, you tried, that counts for something.

[ The potatoes are now fully peeled and sliced, and she sweeps the peels into the trash. Then she pauses. ]

I don't remember if I'm supposed to put them in warm water or boiling...

I was seven. [He frowns when he says it, like it doesn't count because he'd been a stupid kid with no idea what he was doing; turning the water off, he moves the pan to the stove and starts eyeballing the controls.]

Warm. If you put 'em in boiling, they mush out before the insides are done.

Those memories stick. [ She's never had siblings, but she remembers the way she felt when someone at school did something nice for her. It counts.

She goes over to check the water like he suggested. ]

Is this for the rice? Should I get my own?

[Dean makes a noncommittal noise in response to her first observation - a lot of things stuck to Sam, some Dean is responsible for, some not - and straightens up from adjusting the setting on the stove. He tips her an easy grin.]

Nah, this is for your potatoes. One thing at a time.

Awesome, thanks.

[ She dumps them in, then sits back to wait for them to cook. ]

[Dean stands back out of the way, too, after lifting a lid that looks like it'll fit from a rack behind the stove and dropping it on top of the pot - a little more loudly than strictly necessary, if we're honest.

Have an impish smirk for that one, followed by a slightly more serious look, Steph. He's settling to lean against a counter, too, folding his arms idly.]

How've you been? Really?

Better all the time. [ She offers him a lopsided smile. What else can she really say? ]

Believe it or not, I have been through worse. I just needed some time.

Worse doesn't have a lot to do with it - I have, too. [He shrugs, not trying to one-up her so much as establish that he can, really, understand.]

Still sucks.

It does. But we're already through the hard part. [ It gets better, is all the means. It takes time, but it always gets better. ]

I'm worried about him.

[Dean blurts it like he might not get it out if he doesn't; this kind of crap? Is not his forte.]

[ Steph blinks for a moment, more from the suddenness of the statement than the actual content. ]

About how he's dealing, or why he... you know. [ Decided that cutting his own throat open was the best course of action. ]

Both. He's being a bit of an ass lately, but mostly...

When I met him, he didn't trust anyone and he didn't care about much. Now he's killing himself way, WAY too quickly because he thinks it's the only way to protect the people he does care about.

Moderation ain't exactly a family trait for me, but there's gotta be some kinda middle ground and I don't know how we skipped it.

Me neither.

[ She sighs. As valiant an effort as she made to lecture him after the fact, she doesn't think she really made her point at all. ]

I don't know. I'm not sure the concepts of life and death have a whole lot of meaning to him yet. [ The whole "kill or don't kill" debate doesn't seem to be making much of a dent on him either. ]

[Dean chewed him out, too, with yelling and everything; Kon had said he'd heard him, but Dean knows appeasement when he sees it. Kon doesn't know any tricks Dean hasn't already tried himself, or been through while raising Sam. Problem is, he always knew exactly what to do to get Sam to talk to him in the end. No such luck with Kon.

There's that whole genetically engineered thing, too. That's kind of a buzzkill.]

And this place ain't helping that, with its deathtolls and shit. Hell, it's more than half the reason I was okay with trying to do it, but what gets me is he didn't even hesitate.

[ She folds her arms over her middle, sparing a glance for the pot. Nope, not boiling over or anything. ]

At least he hasn't decided that going around killing people is okay. But convincing him that his own life has value? It's like it never even occurred to him that the barge might not bring him back.

85,22 - It gets easier

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