IC Contact

[ichoosefight]

"I'm not here right now, but leave me a message and I'll call you right back!"

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[tucky]

[She shakes her head, looking down at the ground.]

I aborted 'em. I killed 'em. All of 'em.

[ichoosefight]

Oh.

[ Her smile slips into a frown, but mostly at the phrasing: 'killed 'em'. ]

I'm sorry. That must have been hard. I know how the hormones get.

[tucky]

People here tell me it was okay to do, but it doesn't feel that way.

[ichoosefight]

Did it-- did it hurt? Sorry, I shouldn't ask, but I was terrified by the idea when I was pregnant.

[tucky]

Yeah, it hurt some after.

[ichoosefight]

[ The thought makes her shudder. ]

Here, I've got hot chocolate in the microwave.

[tucky]

Thanks.

[She doesn't go to take it, though; she just sits down.]

Sorry. I came over to make you feel better, and now I'm all...

[ichoosefight]

[ Steph goes to get both mugs and brings them back to the couch. ]

Don't worry about it. Babies are still better than gang wars, in my opinion.

[tucky]

I was supposed to care of 'em and protect 'em. I didn't.

[ichoosefight]

[ She considers not saying what she's thinking as she hands the second cocoa over, but decides she really does owe it to Tiffany to be honest. ]

If you weren't ready for them, maybe it was better that they weren't born. My mom was a drug addict, and my dad was in prison all the time. It's not the kind of life you want for a child. I didn't want it for mine.

[tucky]

Me either. But being dead ain't what I want for 'em, either.

You didn't kill yours. I remember you told me.

[ichoosefight]

No, I didn't. But I was scared and hormonal. I don't know if it's wrong or not. And I don't think it makes you a bad person, or weak, for not knowing either.

[tucky]

What did you do with yours? Do you still have him or did you give him up for adoption?

[ichoosefight]

She. I gave her away. Her new family will take better care of her than I could, but-- [ She wipes a tear away with one hand. ]

I miss her sometimes, you know?

[tucky]

[She grabs Steph's hand and squeezes it.]

I miss mine, and I didn't even know 'em or want 'em.

[ichoosefight]

[ Steph squeezes back, smiling sadly. ]

Yeah. [ That's all she can really say. She misses a baby she never met. ] Yeah.

[tucky]

... But I still think you're strong. You're a lot stronger than me.

[ichoosefight]

[ She laughs wetly. ]

After what you've been through? You're no lightweight.

[tucky]

I don't know what I'm doing most of the time, Steph.

[ichoosefight]

I prefer to call that 'improvising'.

[tucky]

How's it working out for you? Better than it is for me?

[ichoosefight]

On the one hand, my boyfriend is a moron. On the other, I'm not dead yet. That's something, right?

[tucky]

The boyfriend thing ain't your fault.

Were you around when I walked right into getting killed?

[ichoosefight]

I know. It still sucks though.

I think I was, but I'm not sure I heard what all happened?

[tucky]

I miscalculated, I guess. I thought I was showing her I respected her, but it turns out I was making it look like I was insulting her.