65,02 - My third Christmas this year.

[ichoosefight]

[ Video ]

It's strange, coming back here after leaving so suddenly. It's like I fell out of my life and now I'm trying to fit back into it again. It's amazing how much a couple of months can change, but I guess that's what college is supposed to be like, right? That's what they said about high school, too. I think they're just afraid to admit that things are always changing.

I know it was a breach and nobody was really themselves, but do people around here really hate Christmas that much? I mean honestly, a whole town full of people who can't even pretend to be happy.

[ Private Text ]

Dear Santa,

I think I've had to many Christmases this year to ask for anything, but I'm going to bake some cookies for all of my friends. It would be nice if you could have them delivered warm and fresh. And for everyone, friends included, a box of their favorite dessert. If it comes in a box. Any container is fine really.

Comments

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

Why, pray tell, should people pretend to be happy when they are not? For some people this is a depressing time of the year. The pressure to pretend to be happy was one of the things that made the man I was particularly miserable, and I do not blame him. Christmas is not a pleasant time or even a meaningful holiday for many.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

To make other people less miserable. You don't have to ruin it for the people who do want to enjoy it.

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

Expecting other people to hide or fake their feelings for your sake is erroneous, selfish and immature. Be happy if you wish, but do not expect others to play along if they are actually unhappy.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

Actually, I'm pretty sure it's common courtesy not to run around sniping at everyone with a smile on their face and moaning in public about how miserable you are. It's like driving by to laugh at a funeral because you believe in reincarnation. It's rude.

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't know anything about attacking others for being happy. I simply consider it at least equally rude to demand false merriment from those who are struggling. If you are so into the season, perhaps you should do something to help those who are unhappy instead of attacking them for not hiding it sufficiently?

Just a thought.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

Then maybe you should check the journals from our time in town. I'm not demanding anything, you're putting words in my mouth. I asked a simple question.

Which, by the way, you haven't actually answered. I'm a curious soul.

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

Funny, for a moment there it seemed you were accusing my alternate of such behavior. Instead he drank himself near to death so he could put on a brave face for his fellows. Which disgusts me in retrospect.

As for why the season causes me unhappiness, very well, I will be frank.

I come from a time where plenty was not common, and starvation in winter was, so the end of December was the beginning of the most trying and anxiety-producing time of the year. Add to that that I was a prisoner for half my formative years, and have spent most of my existence being hated and hunted by the church that invented the holiday, and I find little to recommend the season. I do not begrudge anyone who enjoys it, but I draw the line at anyone complaining at me because I cannot.

As for my alternate, he had lost his wife six months ago and probably couldn't fake merriment at all without the alcohol.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

So instead of having a cup of hot cider and reading a book, you decided to take it out on me instead. Totally mature.

[ But in all seriousness, ] I hate watching people drink themselves into oblivion.

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

If that is how you choose to look at it. I could as easily accuse you of taking out your displeasure with those who dislike Christmas on me.

At any rate, it was the only recourse that he saw as open to him. Mortals with no support often climb into a bottle during their trying times.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

Ah, but I was trying to take it out on everyone! An eye for an eye, or something.

That seems to be the case, doesn't it?

[feels-no-love.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately yes. Even my honored ancestor Attila was felled by the bottle. Indirectly, but he was. It is no proper fate for someone, especially if he has loved ones.

[ichoosefight.livejournal.com]

It's not a fate anyone should inflict on their loved ones, either. Especially not kids.